I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
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Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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