TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
