I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
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You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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