new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
