I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
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Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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