I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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