I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
