okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
