Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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