I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
