I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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