So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
