dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
