U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize