Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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