I wish I could teleport
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
