If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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