So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
