If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
