Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
