i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
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Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
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