I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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