Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You took a bar mat shot.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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