Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
