i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
