I'm eating all of the evidence.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
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