for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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