I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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