If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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