I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
