i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
pray to the hookup gods
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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