you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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