you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
