D3 body, D1 cock
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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