Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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