and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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