I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
