he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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