I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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