whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
