one two three fourrrrnication!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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