You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
