Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
