I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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