You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
