Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
