Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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