Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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