Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
