My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize