What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
