my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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