Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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