I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Enjoy the penises
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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