You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
