i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
