thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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