Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
