i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
