3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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