You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
