ya dads aren't the best wingmen
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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