She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
