forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
