When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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