So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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