so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Actions speak louder than pants.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
