wakey wakey hands off snakey
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
