Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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