so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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