The brown eye won't let me do that either.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize