how can u be prego again
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I need moral support for this bender
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
