i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
