You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
