I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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